In the abundance of music, sometimes discoveries come from unexpected sources. As my daughter has grown into a teenager it’s been my delight to find common ground with her through musical interests. I have posted about this idea somewhat before discussing how she introduced me to the musical group “LoveJoy”.
Recently, once again my daughter opened my ears to the incredibly reflective sounds of Steve Lacy. The themes embedded in his songs “Dark Red” and “Bad Habit” are so relatable to my younger self.
As a college professor in Sociology, I am fascinated by the ways in which culture, particularly music, reflects our experiences and perceptions across generations.
“What if she’s fine?
It’s my mind that’s wrong
And I just let bad thoughts
Linger for far too long”
These lyrics stand out particularly for me. Looking back, growing up with limited financial means really impacted my confidence in interactions with the opposite sex. When I was young I understood the notion that girls might find me handsome, but growing up poor in a materialistic society, I felt girls looked for more in boys. Therefore, I would have these assumptions of the girl’s intention with me. I would often sabotage a relationship, act out angrily, or just not call some one back. A one-night stand or a couple dates and never hear from me again was always about my absence of confidence and never about the girl.
“I bite my tongue, it’s a bad habit
Kinda mad that I didn’t take a stab at it
Thought you were too good for me, my dear
Never gave me time of day, my dear
It’s okay, things happen for
Reasons that I think are sure, yeah”
That absence of confidence also meant I would usually sit back and wait for the girl make the first move. Back then people often told me I was an attractive boy, but I really struggled to ever ask a girl out. I always assumed that the discovery of my poverty would be such a turn-off to a girl. Here again, much to my surprise was a lyric written by a young man, at least three decades my junior, expressing a sentiment so beautifully that resonated deeply with me.
As I reflect on those times, the specter of social class often loomed large, whispering doubts about my worthiness and creating barriers to connection. If any women/ girlfriends that crossed my path when I was roughly 14 to 25 years of age happens to see this, I am sorry if I was not kind to your feelings.
Maybe having a teenage daughter is my karma, nevertheless my blessing is that she is now introducing me to great young artists I otherwise would have never known about.
-Kent Bausman
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